Hello everyone
I know it's been a long time, but with rising rent, strange letters to my landlord popping through my letterbox from different banks and a constant supply of bills, I've had to take on another job.
I'm sure there is something wrong. The letters are marked as confidential and to be opened immediately, they look very official. So I have to take them to the estate agent and let them deal with them. I am now worried in case the landlord decides to sell the flat or something else happens which forces me out.
The new job is only part time, just two hours a night five nights a week, which means I usually go straight from my fulltime one onto the new one, which means I'm working 60 plus hours a week again and still only just scraping by and leaves very little time for writing. I start work at eight in the morning and finish at eight or nine in the evening and by then I'm knackered.
I do manage to write a little at weekends, but again only in the evening after six when I finish my day job and as I work seven days a week, it doesn't leave much time.
I re-read some of my novel the other day and must admit, it's lame; a bit too tame. First mistake. I was so eager to get it out into the world when I'd finished it, that I ignored a basic rule, when it's done put it away for a good few months and ignore it before taking it out and re-reading it.
I'm not surprised it was rejected; it does read well and there were no mistakes but it just needs a damn good kick up the arse. So for now I'm giving up on the novels and turning my attention to short stories for competitions, with feedback.
The title of this piece may seem a little odd, but give or take a few leap years 18,983 days, is roughly how long I've been alive and barring a handful, most of them have been crap and they're still not getting any better. It doesn't seem to matter how long or hard I work, or what I do, nothing ever changes.
I'm working myself to death at the moment, not only to pay bills, rent, etc, but to try and save enough for a deposit on a two bed place. My poor son is still sleeping on the floor, he isn't working due to his bad feet and has no money. He needs his own room, a place to call his own and by whatever means, I will supply it.
As for me, I'm still breathing and still writing, whenever I get the chance. I hope everyone is having a more productive time, good luck with all your writing projects, until next time; all we can do is keep going.
Sunday 26 November 2017
Friday 8 September 2017
Defeated, Beaten, Loser.
Hello everyone,
Yes that's me and how I feel.
My novel has been out by itself in the big, wide world and has received nothing, not even a glimmer of acknowledgement other than the automated , 'yes we got it,' email,
I have exhausted every publisher in this country that is willing to look at unsolicited MSS and I've got nowhere. I was considering sending it to other countries but don't really see the point, (maybe one day.)
I am halfway through my second novel, but am beginning to feel that it too will be a waste of time, as I am sure it will just sit on my laptop taking up space
I have looked into self publishing, but don't have the money, they are all asking upwards of £1500 to £2000 and that's just for a basic package.
I feel as if I have wasted 40 years of my life on writing; don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed it, I love writing, I love the creative process of a written jigsaw, breathing life into characters, but as far as getting anything published, its been one disappointment after another. I've had some luck with short stories, but that was many moons ago.
I'm toying with the idea of entering writing competitions at the moment in various magazines. They all give cash prizes, some of them as much as £300 and the entry costs as little as £3 if you're a subscriber, (which I am for writing magazine)
All the stories are themed, so I don't get to chose my own subject, which is a shame, but I'm sure I can relate it to horror in some way. The other good magazine for competitions is Writer's Forum, their prizes are smaller but there is no theme.
Hopefully, next time I will have something happier to say.
Good luck to everyone who continues to write, swallow rejection, disappointment and misery.
Yes that's me and how I feel.
My novel has been out by itself in the big, wide world and has received nothing, not even a glimmer of acknowledgement other than the automated , 'yes we got it,' email,
I have exhausted every publisher in this country that is willing to look at unsolicited MSS and I've got nowhere. I was considering sending it to other countries but don't really see the point, (maybe one day.)
I am halfway through my second novel, but am beginning to feel that it too will be a waste of time, as I am sure it will just sit on my laptop taking up space
I have looked into self publishing, but don't have the money, they are all asking upwards of £1500 to £2000 and that's just for a basic package.
I feel as if I have wasted 40 years of my life on writing; don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed it, I love writing, I love the creative process of a written jigsaw, breathing life into characters, but as far as getting anything published, its been one disappointment after another. I've had some luck with short stories, but that was many moons ago.
I'm toying with the idea of entering writing competitions at the moment in various magazines. They all give cash prizes, some of them as much as £300 and the entry costs as little as £3 if you're a subscriber, (which I am for writing magazine)
All the stories are themed, so I don't get to chose my own subject, which is a shame, but I'm sure I can relate it to horror in some way. The other good magazine for competitions is Writer's Forum, their prizes are smaller but there is no theme.
Hopefully, next time I will have something happier to say.
Good luck to everyone who continues to write, swallow rejection, disappointment and misery.
Monday 10 July 2017
A Short Story
THE HUNGER
The summer house remains, its origins a mystery now; a drifter through time, slipping between worlds, decayed and broken but never falling; a deadly visitor, the eater of children, the destroyer of lives.
Enticing the innocent into its shrouded domain, it waits with the promise of base camps and dens; places to play, secrets to share; an army camp on Monday, a dolls house on Wednesday. It waits silently for the curious to stumble upon.
It is always eager, desperate for the fresh, young souls, for it has a voracious appetite.
I played there once, lured in by its earthy scent and almost hidden location. I was a robber hiding out from the police and in the end, they found me, the officers with their sniffer dogs.
They say my body was unmarked. Slumped in the corner looking as if I'd fallen asleep and forgotten to wake up.
If only they knew the truth.
The sudden sense of isolation, the feeling of being watched by unseen eyes. Its painted skin rippling with anticipation. Vibrations so subtle that only the hair on your arms can detect. The ancient wood, porous, thirsty, the very bones of the beast, sighing, breathing.
A chill in the air, almost imperceptible as it makes its move, siphoning your soul from its body, dredging the foundations of your mortality.
The damp wood beckons, you sit as tiredness overwhelms you, until the vessel that housed your being is empty, drained of its life force, you are dead.
The summer house remains, its origins a mystery now; a drifter through time, slipping between worlds, decayed and broken but never falling; a deadly visitor, the eater of children, the destroyer of lives.
Enticing the innocent into its shrouded domain, it waits with the promise of base camps and dens; places to play, secrets to share; an army camp on Monday, a dolls house on Wednesday. It waits silently for the curious to stumble upon.
It is always eager, desperate for the fresh, young souls, for it has a voracious appetite.
I played there once, lured in by its earthy scent and almost hidden location. I was a robber hiding out from the police and in the end, they found me, the officers with their sniffer dogs.
They say my body was unmarked. Slumped in the corner looking as if I'd fallen asleep and forgotten to wake up.
If only they knew the truth.
The sudden sense of isolation, the feeling of being watched by unseen eyes. Its painted skin rippling with anticipation. Vibrations so subtle that only the hair on your arms can detect. The ancient wood, porous, thirsty, the very bones of the beast, sighing, breathing.
A chill in the air, almost imperceptible as it makes its move, siphoning your soul from its body, dredging the foundations of your mortality.
The damp wood beckons, you sit as tiredness overwhelms you, until the vessel that housed your being is empty, drained of its life force, you are dead.
Friday 7 July 2017
Nothing To Lose
Hello everyone,
I have discovered a site on fb called Inkitt for showcasing my work and entered a competition they were running. If you win, you get your novel published, so I thought, why not? I'll give it a go, I have nothing to lose and maybe everything to gain.
The competition seems to be judged by readers, you upload your novel to their site and other readers and entrants judge it's merit. Readers can also download a certain amount of copies for free. Not ideal, but my novel is better off on their site than hiding inside my laptop where no one will see it. It's also linked to my fb page and Reditt, It is called THE TORMENTED (and is really tormenting me at the moment) Please feel free to give it a look and a review. (PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE) The more good reviews I get the better.
I have now sent said novel to five different publishers, although three were encouraging, they said it wasn't quite right for them. Austin Macauly said they loved it and would be delighted to publish it, at a price. It seems that because I'm a first time author and have no proper credentials, I would have to pay a percentage of the publishing costs, (nearly £3000) I declined.
I am also entering a few short stories to various places. I'm scouring the internet and fb for free short story competitions, there are a lot that charge an entry fee as well as a reading fee, please do check the terms and conditions of any and all competitions as sometimes they are very well hidden.
There are another three publishing companies I'm going to contact, (agents seem so aloof) I've contacted seven agents and only one of them was nice enough to reply, they said, no thank you, but at least they were polite, the other six just ignored me. So I'm busy tracking down publishing houses that allow you to submit unsolicited MSS,( they are more elusive than ghosts)
Anyway that's enough rambling for now; I'm on holiday from work this week,( the days have flown by almost un-noticed) but I am getting a lot of writing done and my second novel is coming along nicely, good luck to all fellow scribblers; until next time.
I have discovered a site on fb called Inkitt for showcasing my work and entered a competition they were running. If you win, you get your novel published, so I thought, why not? I'll give it a go, I have nothing to lose and maybe everything to gain.
The competition seems to be judged by readers, you upload your novel to their site and other readers and entrants judge it's merit. Readers can also download a certain amount of copies for free. Not ideal, but my novel is better off on their site than hiding inside my laptop where no one will see it. It's also linked to my fb page and Reditt, It is called THE TORMENTED (and is really tormenting me at the moment) Please feel free to give it a look and a review. (PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE) The more good reviews I get the better.
I have now sent said novel to five different publishers, although three were encouraging, they said it wasn't quite right for them. Austin Macauly said they loved it and would be delighted to publish it, at a price. It seems that because I'm a first time author and have no proper credentials, I would have to pay a percentage of the publishing costs, (nearly £3000) I declined.
I am also entering a few short stories to various places. I'm scouring the internet and fb for free short story competitions, there are a lot that charge an entry fee as well as a reading fee, please do check the terms and conditions of any and all competitions as sometimes they are very well hidden.
There are another three publishing companies I'm going to contact, (agents seem so aloof) I've contacted seven agents and only one of them was nice enough to reply, they said, no thank you, but at least they were polite, the other six just ignored me. So I'm busy tracking down publishing houses that allow you to submit unsolicited MSS,( they are more elusive than ghosts)
Anyway that's enough rambling for now; I'm on holiday from work this week,( the days have flown by almost un-noticed) but I am getting a lot of writing done and my second novel is coming along nicely, good luck to all fellow scribblers; until next time.
Wednesday 24 May 2017
DeJaVu
Hello everyone
today finds me possibly driving in reverse, on a road I travelled 18 months ago and prayed I would never have to travel again. The word redundancy reached my ears today as I toiled away in the garden centre. Word on site is that the powers that be are considering closing the centre down and selling the land off to the local council or a private developer.
My heart leapt into my mouth and I felt sick. No, not again, this can't be happening.
As my little seven day a week cleaning job is in the same centre, I stand to lose both jobs, leaving me once again with nothing. No job means no money, no money means goodbye little flat, hello car.
I have been saving, putting a little of my wages away every month, but it is by no means enough.
I can't face it again; my cats are settled here, they have even made friends. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The garden centre has been there since I was a child, I thought it was safe. I have spoken to the manager incase it was just an option; I wish I hadn't. Apparently five other locations they have across the country have been closed down.
So here we go again, checking out the job sites, I won't even get redundancy money this time as I haven't eve been there a year yet. The writing of my second book, (still no news on the first one) was going very well, I was happy and settled and the words just seemed to flow. I could picture every scene as clearly as if I were watching it on tv, I began to live the book and become a part of it. Now my mind is filled with fear; I am scared. The manager said nothing will happen until at least the end of this year, beginning of next; some small comfort I suppose.
I wish you all productive and happy writing, until next time.
today finds me possibly driving in reverse, on a road I travelled 18 months ago and prayed I would never have to travel again. The word redundancy reached my ears today as I toiled away in the garden centre. Word on site is that the powers that be are considering closing the centre down and selling the land off to the local council or a private developer.
My heart leapt into my mouth and I felt sick. No, not again, this can't be happening.
As my little seven day a week cleaning job is in the same centre, I stand to lose both jobs, leaving me once again with nothing. No job means no money, no money means goodbye little flat, hello car.
I have been saving, putting a little of my wages away every month, but it is by no means enough.
I can't face it again; my cats are settled here, they have even made friends. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The garden centre has been there since I was a child, I thought it was safe. I have spoken to the manager incase it was just an option; I wish I hadn't. Apparently five other locations they have across the country have been closed down.
So here we go again, checking out the job sites, I won't even get redundancy money this time as I haven't eve been there a year yet. The writing of my second book, (still no news on the first one) was going very well, I was happy and settled and the words just seemed to flow. I could picture every scene as clearly as if I were watching it on tv, I began to live the book and become a part of it. Now my mind is filled with fear; I am scared. The manager said nothing will happen until at least the end of this year, beginning of next; some small comfort I suppose.
I wish you all productive and happy writing, until next time.
Sunday 16 April 2017
No News Is NOT Good News
Hello everyone,
Today sees me fed up with waiting. I sent my precious novel out into the world nearly five months ago, to what I thought was a good agency; I stand corrected and confused. The agency stated that it read and replied to all MSS after around three months, if you heard nothing within the three months send them a polite email enquiry.
I waited five months, hoping and praying everyday that I would hear something, but nothing happened. Two weeks ago I emailed a polite enquiry as to whether or not they'd had a chance to read my MSS or at least look at it, but once again I have received nothing except the usual automated response stating they have received my email.
My patience has now gone. I know editors are very busy, but five months is a long time to hear nothing and now another two weeks have passed and even my polite email has been ignored. Well I'm through with being patient. I've sent my novel to another agency and once again after the initial automated response, have to wait patiently, fingers crossed and hope for the best. Their website said that they read and reply to all MSS within eight weeks; we'll see.
I'm still busy writing my next novel and have so far reached the quarter mile mark; only three quarters left and I'm done. Writing seems to have slowed a bit at the moment as paid work takes over. But as I've now worked out my notice on my evening cleaning job, I should have more time to write. I finish my day job at five, get home in half an hour, grab a sandwich and sit down at my desk. If I relax on the sofa I'm done for. Getting up at five every morning, and working until five every evening is taking its toll. I'm still working seven days a week, but have knocked two hours a night off.
I hope everyone has had a good Easter; I was working as usual, but at least I got to wear my bunny ears for the day and made a lot of customers in the restaurant smile.
HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE and keep writing, one day our dream might come true.
Today sees me fed up with waiting. I sent my precious novel out into the world nearly five months ago, to what I thought was a good agency; I stand corrected and confused. The agency stated that it read and replied to all MSS after around three months, if you heard nothing within the three months send them a polite email enquiry.
I waited five months, hoping and praying everyday that I would hear something, but nothing happened. Two weeks ago I emailed a polite enquiry as to whether or not they'd had a chance to read my MSS or at least look at it, but once again I have received nothing except the usual automated response stating they have received my email.
My patience has now gone. I know editors are very busy, but five months is a long time to hear nothing and now another two weeks have passed and even my polite email has been ignored. Well I'm through with being patient. I've sent my novel to another agency and once again after the initial automated response, have to wait patiently, fingers crossed and hope for the best. Their website said that they read and reply to all MSS within eight weeks; we'll see.
I'm still busy writing my next novel and have so far reached the quarter mile mark; only three quarters left and I'm done. Writing seems to have slowed a bit at the moment as paid work takes over. But as I've now worked out my notice on my evening cleaning job, I should have more time to write. I finish my day job at five, get home in half an hour, grab a sandwich and sit down at my desk. If I relax on the sofa I'm done for. Getting up at five every morning, and working until five every evening is taking its toll. I'm still working seven days a week, but have knocked two hours a night off.
I hope everyone has had a good Easter; I was working as usual, but at least I got to wear my bunny ears for the day and made a lot of customers in the restaurant smile.
HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE and keep writing, one day our dream might come true.
Sunday 5 March 2017
Patience Is A virtue
Hello everyone,
February has come and gone and I have still heard nothing from the agency, it's driving me crazy. I have become obsessed with checking my emails and do so three or four times a day, but the longed for one is never there and my heart sinks just that little bit deeper every time. I remind myself to have patience; the email will come and that no news is good news.
It's been an odd week; I didn't have to scour the job sites as one came looking for me. I helped out a few times in the garden centre restaurant where I clean in the morning as they have been so short staffed and the manager came and spoke to me, asking if I would like a job there; 30 hours a week. I thought he was joking, but no, he was serious. Even though I was unsure, (I've never worked in a restaurant) I found myself saying yes, thank you, that would be great, even though my mind was screaming at me to say no, stop and think about this. It was one of those moments when my mouth and brain were not working together; my mind screams NO but my mouth says yeah alright then.
Anyway I started last Monday and work seven hours a day five days a week, I start at eight, do the cleaning until ten, then get changed, go over to the restaurant and work until five, then go on to my final two hour office clean, getting home around eight thirty. It's a long 12 hour day and I'm on my feet all the time, it's only minimum wage but at least it is a wage.
As for my poor writing, well at the moment its taken a back seat, the restaurant is so busy and chaotic and I don't get a break. The two cleaning jobs are slower paced and allow me to mull over plot lines and think up new problems for my characters and I always have a note book and pen in my pocket. I've scribbled down a few scenes and worked out some of the kinks, so when I do get a chance to write again, hopefully it will be all plain sailing, (I wish)
Anyway, as it's Sunday today, I only work for two hours in the garden centre, the rest of the day is mine and I am determined to get some writing done. All household chores are finished; both cats are asleep, the lizard is lying on his hot water bottle on the window sill and I've got a couple of stroppy characters doing battle in my head; think I'd better go and sort them out.
Until next time, I wish you all well and good luck.
February has come and gone and I have still heard nothing from the agency, it's driving me crazy. I have become obsessed with checking my emails and do so three or four times a day, but the longed for one is never there and my heart sinks just that little bit deeper every time. I remind myself to have patience; the email will come and that no news is good news.
It's been an odd week; I didn't have to scour the job sites as one came looking for me. I helped out a few times in the garden centre restaurant where I clean in the morning as they have been so short staffed and the manager came and spoke to me, asking if I would like a job there; 30 hours a week. I thought he was joking, but no, he was serious. Even though I was unsure, (I've never worked in a restaurant) I found myself saying yes, thank you, that would be great, even though my mind was screaming at me to say no, stop and think about this. It was one of those moments when my mouth and brain were not working together; my mind screams NO but my mouth says yeah alright then.
Anyway I started last Monday and work seven hours a day five days a week, I start at eight, do the cleaning until ten, then get changed, go over to the restaurant and work until five, then go on to my final two hour office clean, getting home around eight thirty. It's a long 12 hour day and I'm on my feet all the time, it's only minimum wage but at least it is a wage.
As for my poor writing, well at the moment its taken a back seat, the restaurant is so busy and chaotic and I don't get a break. The two cleaning jobs are slower paced and allow me to mull over plot lines and think up new problems for my characters and I always have a note book and pen in my pocket. I've scribbled down a few scenes and worked out some of the kinks, so when I do get a chance to write again, hopefully it will be all plain sailing, (I wish)
Anyway, as it's Sunday today, I only work for two hours in the garden centre, the rest of the day is mine and I am determined to get some writing done. All household chores are finished; both cats are asleep, the lizard is lying on his hot water bottle on the window sill and I've got a couple of stroppy characters doing battle in my head; think I'd better go and sort them out.
Until next time, I wish you all well and good luck.
Sunday 5 February 2017
Fear, Worry And New Legislation
Hello everyone,
I've been flitting around job sites this month looking for a few more hours. I don't want to, I want to fill my hours with writing and my head with stories, but I got scared. What happens if I get an unexpected bill or (God forbid) have to take one of my cats to the vet? I'll tell you, I might not be able to pay the rent and I'm terrified of being homeless again, I can't face that, not again.
So with all my years (11) to be precise, in the care industry, all that time spent training and getting qualified to management level, I thought I'd put it to good use and so looked at going back into it, just part time, maybe community care. There are always jobs available in the care sector, community or nursing home, well, I was in for a shock.
Because I've been out of the care world for over a year now, all my training, certificates and qualifications count for nothing, I would have to start from the bottom again. Even my NVQ's are all useless now. I spoke to several agencies and a care home manager, all of whom said I would have to retrain from the start; with the basics. They did all assure me, that because I already have the qualifications and the knowledge, that it wouldn't take me long to go through the training again, maybe a year or two; needless to say, I declined.
All that time I spent training, all those wasted years, my evenings and weekends spent sitting in front of my computer doing stupid training courses instead of doing what I really wanted; all wasted now because of new legislation. I'm too old to retrain, can't even be bothered, all that extra work and my writing on hold while I do pointless courses to teach me how to wipe a 95 year old shitty bum.
Guess I'll keep looking; maybe supermarket work, check out or shelf stacking, anything to keep the wolf away from the door and as it's February, (the month I've been waiting for) I'm checking my emails about three times a day, hoping and praying to hear from the agency. Part of me is excited, part terrified, I know when I see the email I will be terrified to open it, what if it says 'NO?' What if it says YES?' Hopefully by the time I write next I should have an answer; one way or the other, but until then, I will keep writing and hoping.
good luck to everyone who shares my passion, may 2017 be our year.
I've been flitting around job sites this month looking for a few more hours. I don't want to, I want to fill my hours with writing and my head with stories, but I got scared. What happens if I get an unexpected bill or (God forbid) have to take one of my cats to the vet? I'll tell you, I might not be able to pay the rent and I'm terrified of being homeless again, I can't face that, not again.
So with all my years (11) to be precise, in the care industry, all that time spent training and getting qualified to management level, I thought I'd put it to good use and so looked at going back into it, just part time, maybe community care. There are always jobs available in the care sector, community or nursing home, well, I was in for a shock.
Because I've been out of the care world for over a year now, all my training, certificates and qualifications count for nothing, I would have to start from the bottom again. Even my NVQ's are all useless now. I spoke to several agencies and a care home manager, all of whom said I would have to retrain from the start; with the basics. They did all assure me, that because I already have the qualifications and the knowledge, that it wouldn't take me long to go through the training again, maybe a year or two; needless to say, I declined.
All that time I spent training, all those wasted years, my evenings and weekends spent sitting in front of my computer doing stupid training courses instead of doing what I really wanted; all wasted now because of new legislation. I'm too old to retrain, can't even be bothered, all that extra work and my writing on hold while I do pointless courses to teach me how to wipe a 95 year old shitty bum.
Guess I'll keep looking; maybe supermarket work, check out or shelf stacking, anything to keep the wolf away from the door and as it's February, (the month I've been waiting for) I'm checking my emails about three times a day, hoping and praying to hear from the agency. Part of me is excited, part terrified, I know when I see the email I will be terrified to open it, what if it says 'NO?' What if it says YES?' Hopefully by the time I write next I should have an answer; one way or the other, but until then, I will keep writing and hoping.
good luck to everyone who shares my passion, may 2017 be our year.
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