Defeated, Beaten, Loser.

Hello everyone,
      Yes that's me and how I feel.
My novel has been out by itself in the big, wide world and has received nothing, not even a glimmer of acknowledgement other than the automated , 'yes we got it,' email,
     I have exhausted every publisher in this country that is willing to look at unsolicited MSS and I've got nowhere. I was considering sending it to other countries but don't really see the point, (maybe one day.)
     I am halfway through my second novel, but am beginning to feel that it too will be a waste of time, as I am sure it will just sit on my laptop taking up space
     I have looked into self publishing, but don't have the money, they are all asking upwards of £1500 to £2000 and that's just for a basic package.
     I feel as if I have wasted 40 years of my life on writing; don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed it, I love writing, I love the creative process of a written jigsaw, breathing life into characters, but as far as getting anything published, its been one disappointment after another. I've had some luck with short stories, but that was many moons ago.
      I'm toying with the idea of entering writing competitions at the moment in various magazines. They all give cash prizes, some of them as much as £300 and the entry costs as little as £3 if you're a subscriber, (which I am for writing magazine)
     All the stories are themed, so I don't get to chose my own subject, which is a shame, but I'm sure I can relate it to horror in some way. The other good magazine for competitions is Writer's Forum, their prizes are smaller but there is no theme.
      Hopefully, next time I will have something happier to say.
      Good luck to everyone who continues to write, swallow rejection, disappointment and misery.